Today, my plan is to make someone uncomfortable, including myself.
This should be quite easy. Since posting a blog last week about breaking rules, I have kept a running log (on a very official piece of scrap paper in my car) of all the rules I was flipping the bird to daily. Each and every one of them involved me making someone uncomfortable, myself included.
Take Tuesday for instance: I botched a practice lesson I was teaching, being evaluated by mentors, for a fast approaching final test for my therapeutic horseback riding instructor certification. I caught myself en route, carried by none other than myself, to the wood shed for a symbolic beating, and ran interference by saying a lovingly firm, “Hell No!” to the part of me that gets into this kind of outdated shi-nan-i-gans.
And Thursday: I pay someone good money to coach me on how to be a better entrepreneur. The minutes were ticking by, and so the dollars, with little to no actual teaching happening. I caught myself trying to manage or control my own discomfort, which is really code for catering to my fear of making someone else uncomfortable. Again, I ran loving interference around my old definition of control, and stated what I felt was happening, and what I needed to have happen.
Rather than bore you…yada yada yada… with more examples from last week, let’s just say that because I was paying attention to my beliefs and habits around breaking rules in the moment it was happening, I was able to stay in the present rather than being hijacked by a fear of being unloved, isolated or unsafe left over from childhood.
Sound familiar to anyone?
By planting my feet firmly in the here and now, I am able to soothe that loud and hungry “swamp monster,” that annoying ball’n chain type creature that has been hanging around inside me since childhood trying to help me out in ways that are not always so helpful. We all have one of these. What is the name of yours? Mine has many.
When the “swamp monster” is satiated, I am able to feel safe, accepted and loved on this day, August 12th, 2013, or any other day in the future, regardless of the opinions or expectations of others.
Remember, a thumbs up from someone else is a bonus, not an essential. Your approval, dare I say love, of yourself is a daily non-negotiable like food, water, sleep and chocolate.
So, go out and make someone uncomfortable today, even if that person is you. Stay present, and run loving interference around internalizing nasty feelings and the urge to retaliate if the shit hits the fan.
Get bigger and do not apologize.
Start. Right. Now.